How Can You Earn Respect?

Always have courage to speak up, if and when something is important enough not to be kept quiet about. Direct confrontation is often better than sweeping challenges under a rug. Just make sure to prepare well: all communication is negotiation. The better you are at negotiating, the easier it gets to communicate and to make progress towards a common goal. If someone is blocking communication and ignoring you there is very little you can do except for focusing upon yourself and your goals. Walking away from a specific situation is sometimes the best thing you can do. When someone disrespects you, the problematic behavior starts with them. Do not give in to people who manipulate.

If your counterpart is unable to rise up to a respectful way of communication, cut ties. They will come back once they have grown up to be able to communicate respectfully and if not, count your blessings. You do not need disrespectful or manipulative people in your inner circle, or around you at all for that matter. Although it is a fact that social interactions take place everywhere, and you will always encounter different types of people with different kinds of personalities.

Quite frankly, respect in itself does NOT have to be earned. Of course, an individual can be respected for her/his specific achievements, qualifications or position in life. We can respect the elderly for their life experiences and a hopefully grown wisdom during their lengthy lives. Respect is often culturally related, or tied to organizational hierarchies although it may in fact be a threat to democracy if someone is being respected only for their position. Position in itself should not alone be tied to respect. In democracies, people in positions of authority MUST be approachable and we must at all times have the opportunity to question things of importance. The ME TOO-movement that led to thousands of girls and women (and, some men too!) to finally speaking up about for instance occurred discrimination and sexual harassment is a good example of how common disrespectful behavior is even in (Western) democracies.

Every human being deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, regardless of their material status or position in life.

Showing respect only to people with influence or those with a high social status is endangering both our personal development as human beings, as well as a democratic society where everyone should have an equal voice, and an equal right to express opinion without fear of various threats. This is a topic that can and should be discussed from many different angles and with many different perspectives. We know that restrictions in terms of freedom of speech and having to fear expressing your opinions are in fact commonly violated human rights in most parts of the world.

In interpersonal relationships, a lack of respect usually includes behaviors whereby one individual constantly breaks or pushes another person´s boundaries. This can relate to the fact that the individual in general is unaware of what is respectful behavior and what is not, a complete lack of awareness and a high amount of ignorance for the well-being of other human beings, or quite frankly the fact that certain types of personalities actually do enjoy to push and to break boundaries on purpose just to see how far they can get with their manipulative behavior. This is unfortunately not something that only children do. Many adults, unless taught how to behave and kept in place through consistent discipline and self-management, are experts at breaking and pushing boundaries. Such behaviors must never be tolerated.

Disrespectful behavior and a disregard for, or a violation of, another individual´s boundaries can be identified through following examples:

– Poor interpersonal communication and/or a complete ignorance of someone else´s needs or wants.

– Self-centeredness and one-sided relationships. A lack of interest in other human beings. (Only seeing oneself).

– Poor or non-existing listening skills. Many people are unfortunately poor listeners. They have a constant need to express their opinions and make themselves heard without ever hearing what other people have to say.

– Not responding. Not responding to e-mails, texts, or phone calls. Not calling back. If someone does this to you, leave them alone.

– Putting words in someone else´s mouth. Thinking you know what is best for them. Making decisions for other people without asking them or caring about their opinion.

– Belittling or minimizing someone else´s accomplishments or experiences.

– Gaslighting behavior.

– Pretending to be stupid or asking you to behave in their preferred way (remember that you are an individual, not an extension of anyone else! Nor are you anyone´s puppy or slave.

– Bullying, gossiping and spreading rumours. You can be certain of the fact that people who gossip about other people to you are also doing this behind your back.

– General manipulative behaviors, such as sugar coating the truth or lying (to your face), constantly making fun of you – especially about sensitive matters that they know are of importance to you, cynical comments and sarcasm directed at you, and at your expense. If you speak up about these, they come up with explanations and accuse you of being overly sensitive or that you are imagining things (gaslighting).

Many disrespectful and manipulative behaviors and tactics can be so subtle and slowly creep into any relationship that we fail to take action or notice the red flags. The better you know what is appropriate and what is inappropriate behavior and communication, the faster can you take action and terminate unwanted behaviors or even the whole relationship.

Unfortunately, you cannot force people to respect you but you can refuse to be disrespected!

Knowing your boundaries and not giving your power away to other people is the best way to stay intact from toxic or manipulative behavior. Self-respect and knowing one´s worth as a human being are the easiest and fastest ways of earning other people´s respect too. Confident people know how to say no. Confident people are assertive. Confident people speak up. Confident people know their truth. Confident people do not get swayed easily, although they know how to bend and stay flexible if appropriate.

Be confident. Be assertive. Be strong.

Anne-Maria Yritys 13.2.2019

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How Important Are Your Dreams?

January 16, 2019January 16, 2019 by Anne-Maria Yritys, posted in Career coaching, Change Leadership, MBA Careers

Last night I dreamed that I was going to the opera to see The Nutcracker. In dreams, everything is possible. I love the opera. Now, when I am speaking about the opera, I refer to the musical experience, not to any web browsers or software with the same name.

When you Google the word “opera”, the first three pages of search results unfortunately include a lot of information about Opera-named web browsers and/or software. Of course, search engine algorithms – you have to be more specific with your online searches if you want to find what you are looking for!

On the other hand, as an internet entrepreneur or online business, you have to be specific about what kinds of products and services you are selling unless of course, you do not want to be found online.

My most exotic opera experience so far has been an opera in St. Petersburg, Russia, which was sung in both Italian and Russian, years before I had continued to improve my very basic skills in Russian that I had acquired as a young student back in 1998.

Italian, as a language, is much easier to comprehend and to learn, especially if and when you speak fluent French. The more languages you know, and learn, the easier it is to understand related languages. With fluent Swedish and German, for instance, it is easy for me to understand Norwegian and Danish. Dutch is a bit harder although Dutch too is a Germanic language.

I have taken classes in Italian as well. When you live for several years in Switzerland, you can nothing but learn some Italian automatically since the language is present everywhere in the country that has four official languages. Finland has only two official languages; Finnish and Swedish. Saami language is unfortunately not an official language in Finland although Finland claims that it is honoring Saami culture and traditions.

Even more than the opera, I love the ballet; watching all those artistic choreographies and talented dancers with so much passion for what they do that they put their bodies through so much pain for every single performance, day in and day out, with bleeding toes and cramping muscles, without ever complaining.

In my dream, however, I arrived late at the opera since I was helping someone out with their photography and realized far too late, that my train connections to the opera would take at least two hours one way. I left far too late and realized that I would miss the beginning of the performance or arrive at least half an hour late.

Lesson of the dream?

Do not postpone your life´s dreams because of circumstances or other people, or despite of the fact that people around you do not approve of your dreams. There is always someone out there who will support your dreams, and if not, you can support yourself!

Many years ago, while I was working as a cabin crew member in a charter airline company, we were taught that in case of emergency and if cabin pressure decreases, you have to ensure your own oxygen intake first.

My career as a flight attendant remained a rather short experience, mainly because I grew tired of traveling around the world all the time and living in hotels, but also because I was concerned about the impacts of aviation on our global environment through the release of CO2 emissions.

Today I know that aviation alone causes “only” around 2% of all anthropogenic carbon dioxide emissions (according to IATA), and that the aviation industry is far from alone being responsible for any global emissions. Moreover, the aviation industry has for years been improving its efficiency in terms of global CO2 emissions and experiments with energy-efficient solutions and completely new options for carrying out flights.

If you have ever traveled for work, you may understand what I am talking about when referring to the fact that I actually enjoy being at home rather than flying around the world all the time at odd hours. Especially when flying during night hours most of the time, and not as a passenger who can sleep during a flight but as a cabin crew member whose number one priority is to ensure passenger safety and stay awake at all times.

Where I worked, staff (cabin crew) did not have the permission to take any naps during flights, although we were often flying extremely odd and long hours, with shifts starting e.g. at midnight and sometimes ending in completely another time zone 15 hours later (if there were any delays – which was quite common due to weather-related issues, turbulence etc).

We flew Boeing 757-200, if you know something about aircrafts. I personally do not know much about aircrafts, I just know everything I need to know about Boeing 757-200 aircraft types. Or, I used to know. I still remember the locations of all the emergency equipment in the aircraft.

In case of emergencies, always help yourself first. Or at least ensure your personal safety, because if you do not help yourself, you cannot help others. Nor can you pour from an empty cup.

Anne-Maria Yritys 16.1.2019

What Are You Thankful for in Your Life?

July 26, 2018 by Anne-Maria Yritys, posted in Change Leadership, Leadership Development, Leadership development coaching, Personal Development

Some memories from an unforgettable trip from July 2012 when I was backpacking by myself for a month in Cambodia, Vietnam (and Thailand). I took my AOWD in Sihanoukville, Cambodia, and stayed at an almost desert island for a couple of days.

Would love to travel back to Cambodia again, although it was a journey that changed my perspective on life for good. Seeing the suffering of the people in Cambodia broke my heart. That is how much war causes destruction to both the economy and the well-being of the population in a country. The country has plenty of war cripples, many of whom miss arms, legs, or both, due to landmines that have still not been cleaned up from the country´s environment although it has been more than 40 years now since the civil war officially ended.

Widespread corruption is one of the reasons why the country has still not recovered well from the genocide. There is still a lack of doctors and hospitals: those Cambodians who can afford it, travel to Ho Chi Minh in Vietnam to see a doctor. The bus ride on the poor roads in Cambodia takes too many hours to Saigon, and the country has still no railroads.

I used to think that Thailand is a developing country, but after visiting Cambodia my perspective changed. When you enter Thailand after a visit to Cambodia, it is like returning back to civilization. Bangkok, as far as I know, has some of the best hospitals in the world.

I would not necessarily travel just anywhere in the world alone as a woman, but South East Asia is 100% safe to travel even as a woman alone. Cambodia and Vietnam are backpacker´s paradises and destinations where you see many women travel alone.

I was just almost killed by a green viper that fell down from a tree in the jungle of Angkor Wat when I was resting in the shadow from the burning sun. To my luck, the snake decided not to bite me, perhaps since I stayed still and did not move an inch.

That was my second near-death experience. The first one had been in Finland a couple of years earlier, when I was traveling by train from Eastern Finland to Helsinki.

There was a heavy storm, and suddenly trees fell on the train and its windows, including where I was sitting. If the train windows were not bulletproof, I’d be dead by now since a number of trees were slapping the window exactly where I was sitting. The train had to stop, and we waited for a couple of hours before we were evacuated and brought by bus transportations from the middle of the forest railroad back to our homes.

When I think back on these memories, I am grateful for being alive every day.

Why Wo(men) Should Stop Being Politely Angry

April 27, 2018April 27, 2018 by Anne-Maria Yritys, posted in Change communication, Change Leadership, Communication Skills, Female Leadership, Leadership Development, Leadership development coaching

Holding on to any “unwanted” feelings, such as anger, fear, guilt, or shame, will only lead to unwanted consequences, such as depression. I know this from a personal experience. It is so important to acknowledge and to ALLOW all your feelings, and express them in a healthy way. If you are angry, find a healthy way to express and to get rid of your anger. It does not mean that you should go and hit someone. That is not healthy. A healthy expression of anger would be to a) acknowledge that you are angry b) knowing the real reason behind your anger c) speaking up about your anger, or, if it is not possible, writing about it, even for yourself d) finding (alternative) ways of expressing your anger, such as sports, working for a good cause, politics, creative arts or writing, yoga/meditation etc.

If you have at least ONE trusted person who you can speak up about your negative emotions/feelings, it will help you heal.

Or? How do you deal with your negative emotions?

Feel free to comment. Although this video talks about women´s (often hidden) anger, many men keep emotions and feelings inside themselves too. Keeping these to yourself, without any healthy form of expression, will only harm you and your health, creating blockages from living and enjoying your life to the fullest.