Why Wo(men) Should Stop Being Politely Angry

Holding on to any “unwanted” feelings, such as anger, fear, guilt, or shame, will only lead to unwanted consequences, such as depression. I know this from a personal experience. It is so important to acknowledge and to ALLOW all your feelings, and express them in a healthy way. If you are angry, find a healthy way to express and to get rid of your anger. It does not mean that you should go and hit someone. That is not healthy. A healthy expression of anger would be to a) acknowledge that you are angry b) knowing the real reason behind your anger c) speaking up about your anger, or, if it is not possible, writing about it, even for yourself d) finding (alternative) ways of expressing your anger, such as sports, working for a good cause, politics, creative arts or writing, yoga/meditation etc.

If you have at least ONE trusted person who you can speak up about your negative emotions/feelings, it will help you heal.

Or? How do you deal with your negative emotions?

Feel free to comment. Although this video talks about women´s (often hidden) anger, many men keep emotions and feelings inside themselves too. Keeping these to yourself, without any healthy form of expression, will only harm you and your health, creating blockages from living and enjoying your life to the fullest.

Tracee Ellis Ross | TED2018: A woman´s fury holds lifetimes of wisdom

Connect with me on Twitter @annemariayritys – to receive my newsletter delivered personally to you, subscribe to Leading With Passion

Communication

Communication in relationships is like oxygen to life.

oxygen

Twitterlove

A Tweet per day keeps the doctor away

twitterlove

Communication Must be HOT.

Dia1

That is, honest, open, and two-way. Dan Oswald.

 

 

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How To Attract What You Want and Lead a Meaningful Life

 

(Health Of Spirit Mind And Body Means Mindfulness. Artist: Stuart Miles. Freedigitalphotos.net. Published on 15052014)
(Health Of Spirit Mind And Body Means Mindfulness. Artist: Stuart Miles. Freedigitalphotos.net. Published on 15052014)

 “Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them.”

 (Albert Einstein)

We live in a world filled with problems needing solutions. The problem with solving all those problems is that while we are busy solving them, usually we create new problems at the same time. Then we blame whatever we can, and easily make other people or circumstances scapegoats, thus using simple defense mechanisms, instead of looking in the mirror, taking a deep breath, and seeing where the actual problem is. Yes, so it is. Think about a world where every single individual would be willing to take the responsibility of finding fault in themselves rather than pointing a finger on other people, or circumstances. This is an important key in regards with many aspects of our lives – being strong enough to see ourselves as the troublemakers. Or, not necessarily troublemakers, but as the keys to actual improvements both in our personal lives and in our surrounding. 

I am definitely not the first human being reflecting about these things, hence the saying “Be the change that you want to see in the world”. Stop blaming other people, or circumstances, for your life´s challenges, or any challenges. Understand that you can only change yourself, and not others. Be ready to step forward, look in the mirror (many times a day, if needed), and face yourself. And do not only face yourself physically, but also mentally. There are a number of ways of connecting to your spirituality, of which meditation is an example. We are all spiritual beings. 

The American psychotherapist, author, and speaker Dr. Wayne W. Dyer puts it: “We are not human beings with a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings with a human experience”. Remembering this makes it easier to connect to the actual spirituality that makes us evolve, and will eventually lead humanity towards a greater understanding, lives filled by virtues and true abundance, rather than the thought of just chasing money so that we can buy things that none of us actually do need in our lives. We came here naked, and will leave naked. How we fill our lives in between is up to each and one of us. Our job as individuals is not to find fault in others, or criticize them, but rather to set an example to other people. If you are in any kind of leading role, a parent, a teacher, you know how important this is. But there is not even need to be in an officially leading role, because anyone can become a role model to someone else, and set an example. 

There are hundreds of books about the Law of Attraction, and to be honest I cannot remember having read any of them, so no book promotions to be found in this post. I have rather learned through experience, by observing other individuals, and yes, of course through reading hundreds of articles, other books, watching videos, and simply by living.

When finding yourself in a non-optimal situation, realize that: 

– You personally are the problem, and the key to the solution, at the same time. Only by changing you will you be capable of changing whatever it is that you want to change. Admitting this is extremely important in order to get ahead. 

– You attract what you are, not what you want. This means, you need to start acting in a way that leads you towards the desired goal(s). It applies to EVERYTHING, and is very simple (well, at least theoretically). Therefore, check your behavior every day. 

– You better learn how to spend time alone. Many people have, unfortunately, a real difficulty being alone. Spending time alone does not mean that you are a lonely person. Spending time alone is crucial to stay connected to yourself. The possibility to spending time alone varies from person to person: a parent has less time for him/herself than a single person, but even parents can organize time for themselves. Some people are really insecure, and always need to be surrounded by friends, or people, in general. Spending time alone is not scary. It gives us the ability to get to know ourselves better, to lead a fulfilling “inner life” instead of just going with the flow.

– Too much time spent alone can, however, lead to isolation. We need other people in our lives. Even a yogi, or a spiritual guru, needs other people. We are all connected to another. Loneliness is something that many people suffer from these days, including many entrepreneurs, and (business) leaders. Everyone has the need for some kind of support, or interaction with other human beings. Whatever your situation is, socialize, because other individuals are important to our (personal) development. 

– Learn how to communicate your desires. This does not mean that you have to walk around shouting your wants and needs to everyone you need (although, some people behave this way). If you have had a tough time attracting what you truly want, it is about time to start practicing your communication skills. You can start by writing it down in a personal journal. When you do this on a regular basis, you will notice how much more effortless it becomes to actually communicate these in verbal interaction with other individuals. After all, people cannot read you mind, and if you meet someone who can read your mind, consider yourself lucky.

– Always be willing to help, and serve other people, (even) without expecting anything in return. 

– Learn how to say no as well. However helpful and servant you are, you do not have to accept everything. There is no point in being a people-pleaser.

– All our choices have an impact upon our lives. 

– Learn how to balance yourself both physically and mentally.

 “Your intuition will tell you where you need to go, connect you with the people you should meet, and guide you towards work that is meaningful to you, work that brings you joy and work that feels right for you”.

(Shakti Gawain)

Picking Yourself Up And Dusting Yourself Off

What makes someone a skillful leader? And who is qualified to be a leader? 

The response to the second question is easy, but the first one requires a bit more of reflection. In my opinion, the list is never-ending, and a great leader never ceases to develop him or her.  

Some important skills for any leader: 

HUMANITY

Any leader needs to remember that we are all equal on this planet, despite of our backgrounds.

HUMILITY

Leadership is not about position – it´s about character. 

ACCOUNTABILITY

Keep your promises and don´t let people down. 

COMMUNICATION SKILLS

This is perhaps one of the most difficult of all including not only language and speaking skills, but also other means of communications such as writing, reading, and listening skills + gestures and expressions.

DECISIVENESS

Sometimes decision-making takes time, but please don´t let it take forever! Sometimes a bad decision is better than no decision at all. 

TEAM-BUILDING SKILLS 

Team-building is necessary because no one of us can survive alone, nor do all the work by ourselves. 

TEAM WORKING SKILLS

The team is only as strong as its weakest link so make sure to empower all your team members.

Team work is key to success.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

This is probably one of the most important. Take time to develop your emotional intelligence – it is possible.

CAPABILITY OF WORKING ALONE

Ok, team work is important, but you also need to be capable of working in solitude.

EMPATHY

You don´t have to carry all the problems of the world, some empathy won´t harm you either.

SENSE OF HUMOR

Life is not always easy so a good proportion of humor and an ability to laugh at yourself and your mistakes is important when coping in different kinds of circumstances.

ABILITY TO PRIORITIZE

Work first, then the fun.

FLEXIBILITY

Many unexpected things may happen so be prepared for obstacles.

OPENNESS

If you are not open-minded, how can you see all the possibilities in front of you?

ANALYTICAL SKILLS

The more complex the business, the more important to know how to analyze.

RELIABILITY

Stick to your deadlines!

SELF-DISCIPLINE

Learn to lead yourself before leading others.

GOOD MANNERS

A “thank you” does not cost you anything.

SENSE OF MORAL/ETHICS

Great leaders do the right things.

OPTIMISM

Essential if you want to thrive.

REALISM

Understanding the hard facts.

CULTURAL AWARENESS

If you´re into international/global business, it is important to know the etiquette and the customs of the country in question.

NEGOTIATION SKILLS

Essential in order to reach your goals.

CREATIVITY

Sometimes, creativity is the only way forward. If opportunity does not knock, build a door!

ACTIVITY

Great leaders don´t wait for things to happen. They make things happen! 

RESILIENCE

Things may sometimes be difficult and life provides many kinds of obstacles on our paths, but great leaders never give up.

EMBRACING FAILURE

We all make mistakes and fail sometimes, but great leaders pick themselves and their teams up and dust themselves off.

PASSION

A great leader has a passion for everything he or she does. 

HUNGER FOR SUCCESS

Together with passion, a great leader is hungry for success and wants to achieve what´s important to him/her. 

In times of adversity, listening to a good song can be helpful in cheering yourself up: 

http://bit.ly/pickyourselfup

Lyrics for “Pick Yourself Up” (Original: Nat King Cole)

“Pick yourself up,
Take a deep breath,
Dust yourself off.
And start all over again

Nothing’s impossible, I have found
For when my chin is on the ground
I pick myself up, dust myself off
And start all over again

Don’t lose your confidence if you slip
Be grateful for a pleasant trip
And pick yourself up, dust yourself off
And start all over again

Work like a soul inspired
Until the battle of the day is won
You may be sick and tired
But you’ll be a man, my son

Will you remember the famous men
Who had to fall to rise again?

So take a deep breath,
Pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off,
And start it all over again

Work like a soul inspired
Till the battle of the day is won
You may be sick and tired
But you’ll be a man, my son

Will you remember the famous men
Who had to fall to rise again?

So take a deep breath,
Pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off,
And start all over again”

Virtues and Sins Part 2: Patience vs. Wrath

Have you ever felt impatient? Full of wrath, not knowing how to calm down or how to relax? Letting off steam in a proper manner e.g. through regular physical activities is good for anyone´s health, but if and when we do exercise wrath in maliscious ways, we end up harming not only others around us but most of all ourselves. Do you agree?

Having the gift of the tongue may be helpful in some situations, but playing a smart aleck can sometimes turn against you. Therefore, patience and the ability of listening, truly attentive listening often brings one further and enhances the birth of a true dialogue.

Then, what is a dialogue? And how is it related to patience and wrath? Simple questions, non?

A few years ago I had the privilege of attending a class held by Shawn Spano, Ph.D., about communication and dialogue at SJSU in Silicon Valley. According to Spano, there are many different approaches to dialogue. As an example, he used a unique form of human communication relating it to the social construction theory.

“Communication is the process through which we collectively create our social worlds. Rather than see communication as a neutral vehicle for transmitting information from one person to another, social construction treats communication as a primary activity, one that not only reflects meaning but shapes it as well”.

Seen from this perspective, everything comprising our social worlds (emotions, personalities, relationships, beliefs, attitudes, identities etc.) are being created in patterns of communication.

Social construction in key words:

– Individuals co-construct their social worlds through communication processes

– Communication is a process of action, not only transmission of information

– To widen the boundaries of people´s social worlds, there is a need to create communication bridges in-between these.

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN ARGUMENT AND DIALOGUE:

In Argument we…:

  • Try to win
  • Compete for speaking time
  • Speak for others
  • Create a potentially threatening and uncomfortable environment
  • Take sides with others
  • Polarize ourselves from those with whom we disagree
  • Feel unswerving commitment to a point of view
  • Ask questions to make a point or put the other person down
  • Make predictable statements
  • Make simplistic statements
  • COMPETE

In dialogue, we…:

  • Try to understand
  • Value listening
  • Speak from personal experience
  • Create an atmosphere of safety
  • Discover differences even among those with whom we agree
  • Discover shared concerns between ourselves and others
  • Discover our uncertainties as well as deeply held beliefs
  • Ask questions out of true curiosity and the desire to know more
  • Discover significant new things
  • Explore the complexity of the issues being discussed
  • COLLABORATE

(Source: http://www.publicconversations.org)

Once again: what has this got to do with patience and wrath?

Just about everything, since we all have the ability of constructing our social worlds through our means of communication. Communication and dialogue are at the core of every individual´s and organization´s success, but still, more often than not, undervalued.

Through the development of communication and dialogue we can all become successful at what we do, both in business and private.

For more information, feel free to contact me and to comment my posts. I love being in dialogue with people.