Respect

How Can You Earn Respect?

Always have courage to speak up, if and when something is important enough not to be kept quiet about. Direct confrontation is often better than sweeping challenges under a rug. Just make sure to prepare well: all communication is negotiation. The better you are at negotiating, the easier it gets to communicate and to make progress towards a common goal. If someone is blocking communication and ignoring you there is very little you can do except for focusing upon yourself and your goals. Walking away from a specific situation is sometimes the best thing you can do. When someone disrespects you, the problematic behavior starts with them. Do not give in to people who manipulate.
 
If your counterpart is unable to rise up to a respectful way of communication, cut ties. They will come back once they have grown up to be able to communicate respectfully and if not, count your blessings. You do not need disrespectful or manipulative people in your inner circle, or around you at all for that matter. Although it is a fact that social interactions take place everywhere, and you will always encounter different types of people with different kinds of personalities. 
Quite frankly, respect in itself does NOT have to be earned. Of course, an individual can be respected for her/his specific achievements, qualifications or position in life. We can respect the elderly for their life experiences and a hopefully grown wisdom during their lengthy lives. Respect is often culturally related, or tied to organizational hierarchies although it may in fact be a threat to democracy if someone is being respected only for their position. Position in itself should not alone be tied to respect. In democracies, people in positions of authority MUST be approachable and we must at all times have the opportunity to question things of importance. The ME TOO-movement that led to thousands of girls and women (and, some men too!) to finally speaking up about for instance occurred discrimination and sexual harassment is a good example of how common disrespectful behavior is even in (Western) democracies.

Every human being deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, regardless of their material status or position in life.

Showing respect only to people with influence or those with a high social status is endangering both our personal development as human beings, as well as a democratic society where everyone should have an equal voice, and an equal right to express opinion without fear of various threats. This is a topic that can and should be discussed from many different angles and with many different perspectives. We know that restrictions in terms of freedom of speech and having to fear expressing your opinions are in fact commonly violated human rights in most parts of the world.
In interpersonal relationships, a lack of respect usually includes behaviors whereby one individual constantly breaks or pushes another person´s boundaries. This can relate to the fact that the individual in general is unaware of what is respectful behavior and what is not, a complete lack of awareness and a high amount of ignorance for the well-being of other human beings, or quite frankly the fact that certain types of personalities actually do enjoy to push and to break boundaries on purpose just to see how far they can get with their manipulative behavior. This is unfortunately not something that only children do. Many adults, unless taught how to behave and kept in place through consistent discipline and self-management, are experts at breaking and pushing boundaries. Such behaviors must never be tolerated.
Disrespectful behavior and a disregard for, or a violation of, another individual´s boundaries can be identified through following examples:
– Poor interpersonal communication and/or a complete ignorance of someone else´s needs or wants.
– Self-centeredness and one-sided relationships. A lack of interest in other human beings. (Only seeing oneself).
– Poor or non-existing listening skills. Many people are unfortunately poor listeners. They have a constant need to express their opinions and make themselves heard without ever hearing what other people have to say.
– Not responding. Not responding to e-mails, texts, or phone calls. Not calling back. If someone does this to you, leave them alone.
– Putting words in someone else´s mouth. Thinking you know what is best for them. Making decisions for other people without asking them or caring about their opinion.
– Belittling or minimizing someone else´s accomplishments or experiences.
– Gaslighting behavior.
– Pretending to be stupid or asking you to behave in their preferred way (remember that you are an individual, not an extension of anyone else! Nor are you anyone´s puppy or slave.
– Bullying, gossiping and spreading rumours. You can be certain of the fact that people who gossip about other people to you are also doing this behind your back.
– General manipulative behaviors, such as sugar coating the truth or lying (to your face), constantly making fun of you – especially about sensitive matters that they know are of importance to you, cynical comments and sarcasm directed at you, and at your expense. If you speak up about these, they come up with explanations and accuse you of being overly sensitive or that you are imagining things (gaslighting).
Many disrespectful and manipulative behaviors and tactics can be so subtle and slowly creep into any relationship that we fail to take action or notice the red flags. The better you know what is appropriate and what is inappropriate behavior and communication, the faster can you take action and terminate unwanted behaviors or even the whole relationship.

Unfortunately, you cannot force people to respect you but you can refuse to be disrespected!

Knowing your boundaries and not giving your power away to other people is the best way to stay intact from toxic or manipulative behavior. Self-respect and knowing one´s worth as a human being are the easiest and fastest ways of earning other people´s respect too. Confident people know how to say no. Confident people are assertive. Confident people speak up. Confident people know their truth. Confident people do not get swayed easily, although they know how to bend and stay flexible if appropriate.

Be confident. Be assertive. Be strong.

Anne-Maria Yritys 13.2.2019

All rights reserved.

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What Makes Trust So Important?

Beware of Online Scammers!

 

 

 

What Makes Trust So Important?

It is all about trust. In business, friendships, family, and all kinds of relationships. If people trust you, they’ll do business with you. Depending upon culture, it may take years to build that trust. And, trust can be ruined in a matter of seconds.

It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you´ll do things differently. Warren Buffett 

Wise words to live by.

According to American psychologist Abraham Maslow´s hierarchy of needs (1943), human beings all have five common basic needs in life:

  1. Safety and or survival
  2. Food and other basic physiological needs
  3. (Social) belonging and love
  4. Respect and purposefulness (esteem)
  5. Freedom and self-actualization

In building trust with other human beings, we must have trust in ourselves. A lack of trust in self, in other words fear-based actions and self-doubt, can be disastrous for both our own lives and for our interaction with other human beings. To succeed in business and life, we have to understand the basics of human behavior and the basics of human needs, and most preferably some psychology. Why?

According to Harvard Business Review: The 3 Elements of Trust, employees expect leaders to create and to maintain trust through positive relationships, using good judgment/expertise and consistency. Which one of these do you think is most important?

The most single important factor in terms of building and maintaining trust in any relationship is respect. Every human being deserves to be treated with respect, regardless of any external or internal attributes. Showing respect to people goes a long way. On the other hand, a lack of respect quickly leads to mistrust and a complete destruction of the relationship since the lack of respect usually leads to manipulative communication and negotiation tactics and breaking other people´s boundaries.

Never violate boundaries unless you are willing to risk the entire relationship. Never use manipulative tactics when negotiating with people. An experienced negotiator who is knowledgeable about human nature will quickly see through these kinds of tactics, and leading conversations or any kinds of interactions in such a manner will not only endanger your whole negotiation but also complicate the future of the interaction and/or relationship. To build and to maintain trust, it is hence essential to learn how to respect your counterpart. Learn how to listen, and learn how to become a naturally powerful communicator.

In “The Power of a Positive No” (2007), one of the world´s leading experts on negotiation and mediation William Ury gives his readers concrete tools for not only becoming better communicators but in fact also for learning how to succeed in negotiations and how to manage conflicts in constructive rather than destructive ways. He explains the importance of a positive NO, and how anyone can learn how to say no without ruining whole relationships. Ury´s teachings also include situations where the only right thing to do is to withdraw from a negotiation, or to end a (business/personal) relationship.

After all, it all begins and ends with self-respect and knowing one´s boundaries. How can you expect to maintain healthy and productive relationships unless you know how to respect yourself and your boundaries? It is far healthier to say NO in a direct or constructive way than to violate your personal values through people-pleasing or other kinds of fear-based activities/reactions. Healthy and strong people cannot easily be manipulated. They know their worth. They know how to say NO. Sometimes, in very powerful ways.

When you know your value(s) and what you want to achieve (goals), accomplishing these through determination and preparedness is so much easier. Despite of any circumstances, make sure not to victimize yourself or fall into pity ploy. Get rid of any unhealthy habits and ways of communication. This may sometimes be easier said than done. After all, we are all human, and we all make mistakes. When you learn from past experiences and focus upon being present in the now, and in various kinds of human interactions you can develop and improve both your general communication skills as well as your abilities as a negotiator or even mediator. These skills are always in high demand, regardless of profession or life situation.

In order to build and maintain trust, be trustworthy. Be consistent. Listen. Listen. Listen.

Anne-Maria Yritys 6.2.2019

 

 

Anne-Maria Yritys Angkor Wat 2012

What Are You Thankful for in Your Life?

Anne-Maria Yritys Angkor Wat 2012
Anne-Maria Yritys Angkor Wat 2012
Some memories from an unforgettable trip from July 2012 when I was backpacking by myself for a month in Cambodia, Vietnam (and Thailand). I took my AOWD in Sihanoukville, Cambodia, and stayed at an almost desert island for a couple of days.
 
Would love to travel back to Cambodia again, although it was a journey that changed my perspective on life for good. Seeing the suffering of the people in Cambodia broke my heart. That is how much war causes destruction to both the economy and the well-being of the population in a country. The country has plenty of war cripples, many of whom miss arms, legs, or both, due to landmines that have still not been cleaned up from the country´s environment although it has been more than 40 years now since the civil war officially ended.
 
Widespread corruption is one of the reasons why the country has still not recovered well from the genocide. There is still a lack of doctors and hospitals: those Cambodians who can afford it, travel to Ho Chi Minh in Vietnam to see a doctor. The bus ride on the poor roads in Cambodia takes too many hours to Saigon, and the country has still no railroads.
 
I used to think that Thailand is a developing country, but after visiting Cambodia my perspective changed. When you enter Thailand after a visit to Cambodia, it is like returning back to civilization. Bangkok, as far as I know, has some of the best hospitals in the world.
 
I would not necessarily travel just anywhere in the world alone as a woman, but South East Asia is 100% safe to travel even as a woman alone. Cambodia and Vietnam are backpacker´s paradises and destinations where you see many women travel alone.
 
I was just almost killed by a green viper that fell down from a tree in the jungle of Angkor Wat when I was resting in the shadow from the burning sun. To my luck, the snake decided not to bite me, perhaps since I stayed still and did not move an inch.
 
That was my second near-death experience. The first one had been in Finland a couple of years earlier, when I was traveling by train from Eastern Finland to Helsinki.
 
There was a heavy storm, and suddenly trees fell on the train and its windows, including where I was sitting. If the train windows were not bulletproof, I’d be dead by now since a number of trees were slapping the window exactly where I was sitting. The train had to stop, and we waited for a couple of hours before we were evacuated and brought by bus transportations from the middle of the forest railroad back to our homes.
 
When I think back on these memories, I am grateful for being alive every day.

How to Handle Contrary Individuals?

I found this podcast channel, The Little Shaman Healing, on YouTube some time ago while searching for ways of coping and dealing with challenging individuals. Let us face the facts and reality: we all meet them during our lives – people who seem to contradict with just about everything we do or say. Without labeling or diagnosing anyone (which is not our task), the smartest thing we can do in situations like these is to not get involved in any arguments with the individual(s) that are contradicting us. Unless it is an official debate, of course, although official debates do have rules and procedures as well. There is no point in getting involved in useless arguments, the purpose of which is only to create chaos and conflict.

While all of us may at times be contradictory to the ideas, opinions and thoughts of other individuals, that does not hinder us from listening to, and taking into consideration thoughts that differ from our own. It is in fact healthy to be able to open up to different, or even opposite ideas and thoughts. It is another thing when someone, on purpose, contradicts to everything we have to say, or everything we do. That is why ignoring this kind of behavior is the smartest thing you can do. Why waste your time on individuals who intend to hinder, or even slow down, your progress by literally sabotaging everything you do or say? Let their opinions be just opinions, and know how to distinguish between facts and opinions.

If and when you have experienced contradictory behavior, especially when this happens continuously from the same individual, you know exactly what it signifies and how you should deal with it: ignore it, and do not engage in any arguments or conversations with the individual in question if possible. It simply does not lead anywhere. Focus on your own career, goals, and life and minimize the energy you invest in individuals whose sole purpose seems to be to contradict everything you do and say. It is a waste of time.

Listen to The Little Shaman Healing´s podcast about the topic:

Narcissists Are Contrary

 

Which is Your Favorite Defense Mechanism and Why?

Which defense mechanisms do you use when communicating with other people?

Learn how to upgrade your communication skills by becoming more assertive and mature.

Start by taking responsibility for your own behavior.

 

Read more about various defense mechanisms at

15 Common Defense Mechanisms

What is Magical Thinking?

An individual who has been stalking me for over a year sent me harassing, lovebombing letters claiming that he would move in with me etc., without even knowing me. He wrote that he would focus 100% of his energy on me, as if engaging himself in this kind of magical thinking would somehow affect me and awaken my interest in him.

In the meanwhile, I had already reported him to the police for stalking me and informed him that I have done so.

Now I have blocked him everywhere on social media. If he for some reason would ever manage to come physically close to me, I’d call the emergency number.

Needless to say, people engaging in this kind of behavior express a lot about themselves by doing so.

Listen to The Little Shaman Healing´s podcast about the topic:

What is Passive-Aggressive Behavior?

What is passive-aggressive behavior?

Learn more about this hidden form of aggression and how to deal with it.

Don’t allow any abusive individuals to be a part of your life.

Cut the ties for good if necessary.

Regardless if it is a spouse, family member, frenemy or something alike.

No one who abuses you deserves to be in your life. NO ONE.

Listen to The Little Shaman Healing´s podcast about Narcissism & Hidden Forms of Aggression: The Dangers of Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Narcissism & Hidden Forms of Aggression: The Dangers of Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Why Wo(men) Should Stop Being Politely Angry

Holding on to any “unwanted” feelings, such as anger, fear, guilt, or shame, will only lead to unwanted consequences, such as depression. I know this from a personal experience. It is so important to acknowledge and to ALLOW all your feelings, and express them in a healthy way. If you are angry, find a healthy way to express and to get rid of your anger. It does not mean that you should go and hit someone. That is not healthy. A healthy expression of anger would be to a) acknowledge that you are angry b) knowing the real reason behind your anger c) speaking up about your anger, or, if it is not possible, writing about it, even for yourself d) finding (alternative) ways of expressing your anger, such as sports, working for a good cause, politics, creative arts or writing, yoga/meditation etc.

If you have at least ONE trusted person who you can speak up about your negative emotions/feelings, it will help you heal.

Or? How do you deal with your negative emotions?

Feel free to comment. Although this video talks about women´s (often hidden) anger, many men keep emotions and feelings inside themselves too. Keeping these to yourself, without any healthy form of expression, will only harm you and your health, creating blockages from living and enjoying your life to the fullest.

Tracee Ellis Ross | TED2018: A woman´s fury holds lifetimes of wisdom

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"Typewriter Stand By Me"

What Makes a Loyal Leader?

 
In a world where majority of people could not care less, be an exception to the rule.
 
Don’t let the world turn you into a cold, cynical, and exploitative person who builds thick walls around themselves and who shuts out all their feelings, unable to be authentic, caring, and genuine. Who leaves people colder than how they found them.
 
This world needs genuine people with soft skills. Authentic leaders who create, engage and lead the way but who also know how to set healthy boundaries and who know what is acceptable and what is not. People who create awareness rather than destroy it, people who know how to keep the calm rather than cause constant chaos and conflict. People who know how to truly listen, rather than speaking about themselves all the time.
 
Be cautious about who is a giver and who is a taker, who cannot stop admiring and talking excessively about themselves at all times, who is self-centered and who is not. True leaders never talk about themselves and their achievements all the time. True leaders know how to give credit rather than constantly being the center of attention themselves.
 
True leaders are interested in other people, and not just for the sake of making a quick profit at the expense of the relationships. Who say that they don’t lead to showcase their trophies, but who nonetheless never hesitate to advertise their personally perceived greatness as a leader by the amount of prizes and medals they have collected. Just to brag and to show off. Look at me, and look at my trophies.
 
Too many broken promises, empty and meaningless words expressed by people who have lost touch with their true nature and personality. Who seek to profit from others at all costs, unable to build and to maintain honest, long-lasting relationships. That is not leadership.
 
In a world where manipulation, deceit and hypocrisy have become a rule rather than an exception, people having thousands of fake friends who are more than willing to take and to suck all the energy out of you like vampires thirsty for more and more blood, make sure to be solid like a rock and live your authenticity regardless of what anyone else may say or think.
 
Look out for people who are there for you not only when they think they can profit from you. Who put a price tag on you. As soon as these people notice that you are just an ordinary human being, they disappear or never show up. Because to them, being associated with influential people with money is everything. As long as you are a materialistic millionaire you fit into their club. Otherwise, they think they can just exploit you of whatever they think they can get out of you, like your knowledge.
 
Be a genuine lightworker, a leader with purpose who is not afraid of lighting the path for others.
 
All rights reserved.
Anne-Maria Yritys 2018.
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